Twerknatural
by iamswaggy
Summary: "Twerking with people, shaking asses... the twerking buisness." Even the Impala has joined in! Rated T for TWERK TEAM. Cas wears lace thongs, Lucifer rips his pants, and Crowley becomes a twerk instructor. Will Dean ever get out alive?
1. In the Beginning

"DEAN, WE MUST TWERK!"

"Cas, shut the hell up!" Dean shot him a glare. "Do you even know what twerking is?"

"I have been influenced by pop culture."

"That doesn't mean you have to twerk in my face, Cas."

Cas responded by stripping down to his zebra-print thong. He twerked like there was no tomorrow. When Sam walked into the hotel room, he started screaming. The screams were not screams of fear. They were screams of excitement. Sam always had wanted a twerking partner.

"OMG CASTIEL! We are sooooooo like, twinning right now!" Sam tore off his clothes to reveal a matching thong.

"OH MY GOD," Dean started to cry out. He hid in the corner, clutching a bottle of beer.

Cas and Sam just used this to their advantage, and they stood over Dean's heaving body, shaking there junk like it was the apocolypse. Dean could only helplessly watch in terror.

It was happening.

The twerkocolypse.


	2. Dean gets help, Lucifer gets good views

Five hours later, Dean had admitted himself into the psychiatric ward. His hands shook as he explained the tramatic experience to the nurse.

"I...I...I don't know...It was awful."

The nurse looked at him with pity. "Oh, honey, you have no idea. Twerking is the new fad. It's better than Crocs!"

Dean sighed and shook his head. "I need help. I'm hallucinating. And... I feel this odd sensation in my butt. It's almost like it wants me to twerk. I can feel it pulsing through my veins."

"Maybe it runs in the family," the nurse suggested.

He thought of Sam, wondering if he was all right with Cas. Little did he know that they were having twerk-offs on the hotel beds. _Where did the zebra thong come from?_ It had looked great on Sam, and it perfectly accentuated Cas's nice, round butt. Dean wondered if he could have a butt like that too.

* * *

"TWERK IT LIKE ITS 2012!" Cas yelled to Sam.

Sam nodded and began to shake his butt. Lucifer watched from the corner, smiling. He silently applauded himself for sticking the thong into Sam's suitcase. It looked fabulous on him. But Sam hadn't noticed him yet. That was partially a good thing.

"Only a matter of time, Sammy," Lucifer grinned. Soon Sam would be so infatuated with twerking that he could have twerk-offs in the dark with Lucifer.

Sam collapsed on the bed, exhausted. Cas took his place, ripping off his trench coat to reveal a new thong, this one a hot pink lace. The two men did not even think about Dean Winchester, who was still in the hospital waiting room. All they thought about was twerking.

It had consumed their thoughts.

It had transformed them into magnificent butterflies...

And it was slowly eating away at their souls.

* * *

**Should I have a Kevin twerk-off next? **


	3. Crowley gives Kevin a show

**Brief author's note: Just a disclaimer that I do not own Supernatural, but if I did, this would be all of Season 9. And just as a warning, I may or may not have the Impala twerk.**

* * *

Kevin Tran was a normal boy. Just kidding. But nevertheless, he liked to be as average as he could be. It was a beautiful day, and Kevin happened to be taking a stroll down the street, enjoying the sunshine. Of course he was being followed. And of course he was just about to be kidnapped by the king of hell.

Typical day.

Crowley snuck stealthily out of the bushes, the foliage contrasting well with his red, polka-dot suit. He had a small button pinned to his chest that said "The Twerking Terror"

"Oh, look," Kevin said in a high-pitched voice. "It's Crowley! Hello, Mr. Crowley. How has your day been?"

Crowley wasn't taking any of Kevin's girly, conversational crap right now. He proceeded to hit Kevin on the head with a frying pan. The boy crumpled to the ground. Crowley grinned. He whisked Kevin off to a dark room.

* * *

When Kevin woke up, only two things registered in his mind.

It was dark.

And it was a room.

It was a very dark room.

He was about to scream for his mother to come save him when a blinding light flashed in his eyes. He could make out the faint outline of a stage in the distance. When more lights turned on, he actually did scream.

It was Crowley. And he was wearing nothing but a glittery bra and yoga pants.

"YOUNG KEVIN!" he roared.

Kevin started to cry.

"YOU MUST LEARN TO TWERK."

And with that, Crowley begin to shake his large butt to some very obscene music. The music got faster and faster, and Crowley began to hardcore twerk. Kevin was appalled. He wasn't even allowed to booty pop in front of his mother. But he kept on staring at Crowley. The way his butt moved looked so...cool.

After about 45 straight hours of twerking, Crowley decided to have a water break.

"Young one, you should join me."

Kevin began to shake uncontrollably. Twerking was tempting, but it looked hard.

"I will teach you my ways. But first, you must wear this." He threw a thong at Kevin's face.

"Ewwwwwwww."

"Wear it or I will destroy everything you hold dear."

Kevin gulped, glancing at the black fabric. This was so wrong.

* * *

"Doctor, I told you, I am experiencing a mental breakdown!"

The man glanced at Dean. "Sir, I am sorry, but I do not see any signs of mental illness or..."

Dean was so done with this.

He couldn't believe it. First his brother and angel crush cornered him, and now the doctor didn't believe him. This twerking thing left him weak. Now he was seeing Cas's butt wherever he looked.

"I'm hallucinating."

"What do you see?"

"I...I...I see my brother and my friend. They're twerking."

"DID YOU JUST SAY TWERKING?"

The doctor ripped off his lab coat to reveal skintight jeggings. Just as he was about to start dancing, Dean pulled out a gun and shot him 265 times in the chest. He ran out the door, ignoring the nurse's screams. When he saw his Impala, he smiled.

"Let's get out of here, baby," he whispered.

But the Impala clearly had differant ideas...

* * *

**Oh my god, what the hell am I writing. **


	4. Lucifer Rips His Pants

Dean froze. Was that... Call Me Maybe playing on the radio? He shook his head. Some teenage girl obviously didn't have good taste in music. But as he walked to his car, the song seemed to be getting louder and louder.

"_Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so ca_-"

"SHUT IT!" Dean roared.

"-_ll me maybe!" _

And that was when he realized it. The song was coming from the Impala.

Dean stared in horror. It wasn't just the music. The Impala... it was doing a thing. And that thing was exactly what Dean had been trying to escape from. The car began to shake, and it inched closer to Dean. By this time Dean knew he needed to get out of here. He had just shot a twerking doctor in the chest for God's sake. Without another thought, he turned in his boots and sprinted the other direction into the foresty thicket behind the hospital.

He didn't want to turn back.

He could hear the faint tinkle of the music following him, and he heard tires crunching through leaves.

It was after him.

His car was twerking, and it was going to catch him.

* * *

Lucifer strolled through the hallways. Sam had made a Victoria's Secret run for more thongs, and he was anxiously awaiting his arrival. Of course Cas was still in the room twerking, but he would rather watch Sam. He briefly thought about this whole twerking thing.

It was actually sort of scary.

But it had its benefits.

Of course every one in hell was going crazy over it. It was all Crowley's idea. He would get every single human, animal, and object on the planet to twerk, and then they could take over the world.

It actually wasn't that simple. But Lucifer didn't care about details. All he cared about was Sam's fine booty in those thongs.

Lucifer had actually thought about joining the trend himself, but for right now he was content with watching. Sam ran down the hallway with pink shopping bags in his hand.

"CAS, OPEN UP! THEY HAD A SALE, AND I GOT US EACH 50 PAIRS."

Castiel, who was being quite unlike Castiel, flung open the door, cheering. He had a purple thong on, and the front said "I'M NOT CHEAP" in glittery letters. It was actually pretty disgusting seeing him wear it, but he wouldn't care if Sam wore it. Cas shook his but and let Sam through the door. Lucifer slinked in and settled in by the window sill.

"Omg, Cas, isn't this HOT?"

Sam held up a neon green thong with leopard spots. He held it up to him and made a duckface in the mirror.

"It's so totally perf!" Cas squealed.

Lucifer frowned. Were... were they becoming... teenage girls?

Sam flipped his hair. "I know! Like, it's soooooooooo cute!"

Okay, this was maybe getting a bit weird. But when Sam began to twerk out of excitement, Lucifer licked his lips. Sam turned on Hannah Montana music and begin to dance to the beat. Cas joined in. Lucifer's butt began to wiggle instictively.

Soon he was on his feet twerking like the other men.

_This is nice_, he thought to himself. But just as he began to get into the music, he heard a ripping noise.

Cursing to himself, he put a hand up to his ripped jeans. Apparently his butt was too bootylicious to fit. Finally, he just tore his pants off and began to twerk it out.

"TWERK IT, SAMMY!" Cas yelled.

Sam jumped on the bed and beagn to twerk so fast it could have given New York enough electrical power for seven decades. Sam thought of Dean for a second, but then he decided he really didn't care.

He was twerking out all his problems, one booty shake at a time.

* * *

**More of Dean and his car next... And Kevin will return.**

**I might have Gabriel come back because he would be the master of twerking.**

**Enjoy! (Sorry for the mental images) :)**


	5. Kevin Twerks to Call Me Maybe

**I feel so bad for Kevin in this chapter. Warning: The mental images are getting worse. I never wanted to see Crowley in yoga pants. **

* * *

"Is this even legal?" Kevin asked, a worried expression on his face.

"Of course it is, my little pork chop," Crowley chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows.

Kevin looked terrible. The guilt on his face had been almost laughable as he walked out of the dressing room in his black thong. He had nervously sat down as Crowley instructed him in the ways of twerking.

"You have to stick your butt out," he had explained.

Kevin sighed. This was stupid. He didn't even work out. When Crowley slapped his butt and told him to get a move on it, he almost beagn to cry. This was so traumatic. He was pretty sure this was considered a crime. Making boys wear thongs and twerk didn't sound too legal.

"I guess prophets don't twerk like they used to," Crowley muttered under his breath. If only the little twerp would do as he was told.

"I HATE THIS." Kevin suddenly screamed. "THIS IS CHILD ABUSE. YOU SHOULD BE ARRESTED FOR THIS. IT'S SICK."

Crowley was a bit taken aback by the boy's sudden outburst, but it actually just made him want to see him twerk even more. He sighed and decided to go with his last resort. This method was similar to the one he had tried (unsuccessfully) on Dean Winchester. Strutting over to the large music system in the corner, he pressed the power button.

The room was instantly filled with loud, pop music. It was catchy. Kevin had heard the song before. It was nice.

I mean, he did have a secrey obsession with One Direction, so this _was _his type of music.

"_Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe!_"

Kevin began to shake his butt. Only a little. But eventually he let the contagious voice of Carly Rae Jepsen take over his body. Crowley began to clap, and Kevin began to dance faster, completely forgetting about his thong. He had been brainwashed. Now all he wanted was to twerk all day and all night. He felt fabulous.

This was Kevin Tran, and he was born for this.

* * *

Dean picked up his pace. It was gaining on him.

He ran.

Oh my God.

Was this really happening?

First his brother and Cas, and now his car. But the Impala was hot on his heels. He would have ran it until it was out of gas, but this was freaking him out so much that he climbed the first tree he saw. As he ascended among the branches, he looked down.

It was still there.

And it was still twerking to that awful song. Someone had painted the word "TWERK" on the hood, and the license plates both read "TWERK4ME". Dean decided that whoever did this to his baby was going to regret it.

When the car pulled up in front of the tree, Dean pulled a confused face. It wasn't going to... hit the tree, was it? Instead, the Impala slowly began to inch its way up the trunk.

It was climbing.

* * *

**The Impala climbing the tree left me completely hysterical. I don't know why. **

**Be prepared for more Kevin moments. **


	6. Cas's Junk Ain't Cheap

**So sorry for not updating. I try to every day. But without further ado, I give you Lucifer in a thong. :)**

* * *

He liked his new thong.

It fit extremely snug around his areas, but Lucifer still enjoyed it. The bright red thong had the words "HOT TAMALE" written on the front, which was actually really gross. He popped his butt out, thankful for his big, round booty. Sam and Cas had stumbled out of the room to go get more thongs, so he had the whole room to himself.

"OH YEAH BABY!" Lucifer yelled as he twerked even faster.

This twerk thing was nice.

And it made his butt tingle with excitement.

Lucifer felt free. He was out of the cage, and he was living it up in his red, hot thongs. And as he stood twerking on Sam's bed, he felt amazing. No one could stop him and his shaking butt.

"And in that moment, I swear we were... HAVING A TWERK PARTY!" Lucifer roared.

He twerked in the bathtub, and he twerked on the windowsill with the curtains drawn back. He twerked under the bed, and he even twerked in the closet. Finally, he stood on the armchair and twerked so fast his butt was a blur. The way his butt jiggled was great, and Lucifer didn't even notice the door open. When he heard footsteps, he turned around.

"OH MY GOD." Sam's mouth dropped as he saw the devil in a "HOT TAMALE" thong.

Lucifer gingerly covered his crotch area with his hands, shrugging apologetically. "Just having some fun, Sammy!"

Sam continued to shake, staring at his junk.

"Wait, you can see me?"

"Y...Y...Yes..."

Castiel frowned. "Sam Winchester, this man is interrupting our twerking. We must dispose of him. But first, Sam, I want his thong. Can you go retrieve it for me?"

Sam began convulsing on the floor at the thought. Cas mistaked his movements for twerking, so he began to twerk over Sam's shuddering body.

"NO. MAKE IT GO AWAY!" Sam pointed to Lucifer.

"Awh, Sammy," Lucifer wiggled his eyebrows. "Don't you want to see me twerk?"

"Yes."

"Yes? Ew, Cas, gross."

"Sam, this man is a true twerker. I can smell it," Cas said calmly.

Castiel could not explain this sensation, but Lucifer smelled so... bootylicious.

Lucifer grinned. But Cas narrowed his eyes at him.

"You see this?" he pointed towards his purple thong, the one that said "I'M NOT CHEAP" on it. "These words are truth. If you want to see my junk, you've gotta pay for it first."

Lucifer decided to be sassy. Snapping his fingers in a Z formation, he gave Castiel a duckface. "And what if I don't pay?"

Castiel yelled, enraged. "YOU WILL NOT GET ME FOR CHEAP. SAM I NEED SOME HELP. THIS MAN IS TRYING TO CHEAP ME OUT ON MY JUNK."

Sam whimpered, still scarred from seeing the devil in a tight thong. But Castiel had no mercy, he dragged Sam to his feet and turned on Hannah Montana music. He threw Lucifer's body in a corner. Without hesitation, he begin to twerk right in Lucifer's face.

"WE'LL TWERK HIM OUT!"

Sam couldn't help but let his butt twitch with the voice of Miley Cyrus.

He joined Cas.

Lucifer screamed. Sam's glorious butt was bouncing in his face.

He curled up in a fetal position, silently begging Sam for more.

* * *

**I might have Dean drive the Oscar Mayor weiner truck. And Gabriel will make a bootylicious appearance. **


	7. The Impala's New Love Interest

**I'm afraid of cars now. Read below for details.**

* * *

"But Dean, that is impossible. You must be hallu-"

"I'M NOT GODDAMN HALLUCINATING."

Even Bobby didn't believe him.

Dean shook. His whole body shivered.

The Impala took this as a sign of flirtation. It began to sway seductively back and forth, the tires crunching on the tree bark. Dean threw the cell phone at the windshield. He didn't want that thing any closer. But the device simply bounced off of the car and onto the ground below. Now it was the Impala's turn to shudder.

It knew.

It knew what it needed to do.

It knew what it wanted.

On it's spot halfway up the tree, the car's headlights flashed. Dean began to silently sob, clutching onto the branches.

His baby. His baby was turning on him.

"BABE, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!" He screamed.

The Impala revved up its engine and blared Hannah Montana's "See You Again."

Indeed, it was very, very intent on seeing Dean again.

"_But Dean,_" thought the Impala. _"We are so compatible. We could crush nations together. We could start an empire. The world would be ours to take. Let us twerk off into the night. You are welcome to stay over at my garage tonight."_

Dean blinked. Was... was his car _looking _at him? He attempted to climb higher, but instead lost his footing on the branches, his boots slipping out from underneath him.

"SON OF A... OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD! SAM! HELP ME!"

Dean's screams were not heard as he collided with the car. The Impala had snagged its prey. Dean continued to yell as his own car mounted him and began to twerk, the tree shaking with each booty shake.

"I'M ALLOWED TO RIDE YOU, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO RIDE ME!"

The Impala grinned inwardly. Miley Cyrus's nasally voice continued to blare over the speakers. This was it. It couldn't help but relax and let the twerking take control. The beat of the music timed perfectly with each new booty shake.

_"Oh sweet baby Jesus, this will be good." _

* * *

**I haven't updated in years. Sorry for the wait. **

**Also, sincere apologizes on the short chapter. Prepare for lengthy twerking episodes in the near future.**

**Recently, some people have been laughing over this on Instagram. Thanks guys. Glad you enjoy Crowley's yoga pants. **

_**In upcoming chapters:**_

**Bobby will twerk.**

**And Lucifer and Michael have a twerking showdown.**

**Dean gets put in spandex.**


End file.
